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aboF’s Five Pointless Questions with… The Helmholtz Resonators
As I worked into the dreary hours of early morning with only a solitary candle to light my laptop's keyboard, I typed away at what would soon become The Helmholtz Resonators' press release. Little did I know that a storm was brewing outside the ABoF HQ window, and dark clouds had blackened out the moon.
There came two cracks like leather splitting skin, and the room exploded in a display of light the likes of which had not been seen since the closing ceremony of the London Olympics (in that while they were impressive, they weren't THAT impressive). Stood before me, having appeared from the ether, were two rather dapper gentlemen, Frithel Stock-Stone and Carlton Breezy. Seeing as they were there, it would have been remiss of me not to ask them ABoF's Five Pointless Questions:
1. Using a the fairy tale format, tell us how you all met
Frithel Stock-Stone: Once upon a time there was a castle where everything smelled like Tizer in which lived a beautiful, reasonably-good wizard named Garland Vanderbilt. But he was never to leave because he was under the control of a gargoyle who wanted to keep him for himself. Luckily, the strong prince Sir Frithel-Stock Stone, son of Alan, had heard of his plight and came to rescue him with the help of his trusted companion, Van Damme Laudenkleer. Soon, he found himself stumped. "How will I find Garland?" asked Sir Frithel. But Van Damme the musical scientist was distracted by a battle with a dirty monk and couldn't answer.
"I know where he is," said a limping A&R fella, "but first you must help me break the magical briefcase, for you see, I am not sure where I am and if I do not succeed in time, my wife's ghost will be forced to marry an evil twat."
“Of course” Sir Frithel agreed, but because of a terrible heat wave it took fourteen nights. Finally they succeeded. "Thank you," said Sir Frithel’s new friend. "I can now show you the way." Within a few short hours they had arrived, and not in the biblical sense. No sooner had they arrived, than the gargoyle was waiting and expelled a magical dust from his dirty bum-hole.
"Don't breathe it in," Van Damme the musical scientist warned. "It will turn you into a fashion victim." He pushed Sir Frithel out of the way. There was no time to avoid the dust, so Van Damme the musical scientist had to end his pain by forbidden spell of self-deprecation. "No! Not you, Van Damme the musical scientist! You were truly a brave companion," Sir Frithel lamented.
Luckily, Sir Frithel knew the gargoyle's one weak spot and stabbed him in the upper deltoid with his drum sticks. His chicken drum sticks. "This can't be happening!" the gargoyle said as he turned into a nice friendly old child.
The next day, Sir Frithel and Garland Vanderbilt were brought before the King and other King, Chladne Plates and Carlton Breezy. "Sir Frithel Stock-Stone, Son of Alan, I hereby name you Sir Sir Frithel, Son of Alan, knight of the great worlds," and placed his cured ham atop Sir Frithel’s shoulders. Sir Frithel said, "I will now begin a new quest… to make a cheesecake without cheese." But then he forgot.
And they all lived reasonably ever after. The End.
Is this how you remember it Carlton Breezy?
Carlton Breezy: Once upon a time there was an eccentric peddler of wares who per chance came upon an organ in a skip. He didn't know what to do with it but he did have the business card of one Dr Carlton Breezy who came immediately to inspect the find. It sounded like nothing he'd ever heard before and was clearly from a bygone age so the eminent scientist sent telegrams to 4 fellow experts in similar fields to develop a type of music based around this ancient technology. Their initial results were published in the compendium of music simply referred to as 'The Crystal Submarine'. Those other luminaries are of course Dr Chladni Plates, Garland Vanderbilt, Vandamme Loudenkleer and the brilliant Frithel Stock-Stone.
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
FSS: Freddie Mercury - Live Aid.
CB: The moment I heard about the work of Herman Von Helmholtz. A man with fingers in all sorts of different pies, if you pardon the term. Fascinating work and a total genius of course.
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
FSS: Flying. I do not need to explain why.
CB: Russia: I'd love to learn the language.
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
FSS: Flying.
CB: I hope I'll be buried in my work much as I am today, but with much better equipment.
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
FSS: Shake The Vessel.
CB: Sunshine, definitely. It's a beautiful track that we're very proud of and according to the theorists this should be easy on the ears of said stranger, obviously depends how strange they are.
Sunshine/Shadow is released 14th July 2014 via Genepool Records.