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ABoF’s Five Pointless Questions with… The Cadbury Sisters
When I was little, my Mum and Dad used to give me a Finger of Fudge when I was a good boy. And now I'm fat. I bought one the other day after I realised I hadn't eaten one in years. To my horror, it was flatter than I remembered it, as if the bar had been left in a pocket for a few hours - like a chubby Chomp. It still tasted the same though.
Is any of this relevant? Not particularly, but it does give me a nice segue into this weeks Five Pointless Questions with The Cadbury Sisters (whose lawyers keep telling me they're not the right people to complain to about the new 'Finger Of Fudge' shape).
1. Using a the fairy tale format, tell us how you all met.
Once upon a time, three sisters who had grown up together side by side, had to leave their home in the Shire to be educated in far away lands called ‘Leeds’ and ‘Plymouth.’ Magical were these lands, as they helped to grow the seeds of a long forgotten passion in the young sisters.
One night, the girls had been drinking a magical potion called vodka, and they decided to get up and sing in front of people they had never met before, and they fell in love with it. From there on in, the three sisters began to sing and play wherever they went, and people started to clap and cheer them on their way. They couldn’t stop because they realized it was their destiny, and to this day, those three sisters still sing all three together, in harmonies that only sisters can sing. You can find them in the mystical kingdoms of Facebook and Youtube.
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
There wasn’t really one defining moment to be honest. We have always loved singing together, and it just took a bit of courage to actually get ourselves up in front of people and do what we love doing! I guess the first time we sung our own songs in public could be quite a ‘defining’ moment, when we were mostly playing covers. Everyone in the venue stopped and listened, it was pretty special.
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
Jess: To be able to cook any dish anywhere in the whole world, and it turn out delicious and authentic every time, because there is so much amazing food in the world that I probably never get to try.
Lucy: To breathe underwater. I was always called ‘The Little Mermaid’ as a kid, I even applied to work as a ‘mermaid’ at an aquarium.
Mary: To always know the right thing to say. Is that a super power? I’m not sure, but I’d just love to be able to make anybody feel better, no matter what they were going through.
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
We want to be singing still definitely, with a good catalogue of releases behind us. We always say that if we had to go into another business together it would be a café! I reckon that we would run an awesome café. Maybe we could do both - song with your sandwich? Cake with a chorus?
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
You Choose.
ABoF’s Five Pointless Questions with… Algernon Doll!
There are people in this world who make us feel like we've wasted our lives. Sure, the ABoF team have had a good innings, worked some interesting jobs, and even been part of a pseudo-tranvestite punk band in the noughties. But when we listen to somebody like Algernon Doll (aka Ewan Grant) we realise we might as well have slept through our twenties. The man is 24 and he already has two pretty bloody decent albums behind him and another set for release.
We might as well pack up, go home, and find somewhere quiet and comfortable to waste away. But, before we do, there's always time to ask Ewan ABoF's Five Pointless Questions:
1. Using a the fairy tale format, tell us how you all met
Once upon a time there was a boy called, Ewan. He wasn't born into royalty but had underlying symptoms of being a king... who would have expected he would become a king of rock!
His father was a blacksmith and, to keep his son from harm's way, smelted him an axe at the age of 11. Whilst other kids of his age would play in the court yard, Ewan would stay at home, honing his 'axe skills'.
Skipping years into the future, he would come across two wise men who would take him under their wing. They would go on to write albums of alt-rock classics and tour the nation and beyond... They became known as, 'Algernon Doll'
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
I went to a lot of hardcore shows growing up, and the scene and community around Perth and Dundee was unrivaled. It was natural to join a band and I've been playing shows for as long as I can remember. I had a few incidents where I lost some of my closest friends when I was 17 and it filled me with rage and a subliminal sadness that I felt I couldn't express with that sort of music, so I decided to do what I do now. If there were any moments, they'd have to be MotionFest (a fest to remember a good friend) and seeing my favourite band 'La Quiete' at Nice 'N' Sleazys in Glasgow. I realised that these people weren't rich, or even that popular, but they were making a life out of what they loved and the atmosphere and ethic was worth pursuing.
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
China because they have all the natural resources! I'd like the power to silence the prejudiced, that'd be cool.
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
Still touring and seeing the world. Doing what I'm doing but on a greater scale.
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
Depends what sort of stranger. I have this thing where I don't want certain types of people, (racists, homophobes, toffs etc) to listen to my music so I'd play them, 'Relate' or 'Fellate' in the hope that they'd find some right-wing snore-band instead. Otherwise, I think 'Spilt Milk Perfume' is a good started for nice people.
Omphalic is released 30th June 2014 via Struggletown Records.
aboF’s Five Pointless Questions with… The Helmholtz Resonators
As I worked into the dreary hours of early morning with only a solitary candle to light my laptop's keyboard, I typed away at what would soon become The Helmholtz Resonators' press release. Little did I know that a storm was brewing outside the ABoF HQ window, and dark clouds had blackened out the moon.
There came two cracks like leather splitting skin, and the room exploded in a display of light the likes of which had not been seen since the closing ceremony of the London Olympics (in that while they were impressive, they weren't THAT impressive). Stood before me, having appeared from the ether, were two rather dapper gentlemen, Frithel Stock-Stone and Carlton Breezy. Seeing as they were there, it would have been remiss of me not to ask them ABoF's Five Pointless Questions:
1. Using a the fairy tale format, tell us how you all met
Frithel Stock-Stone: Once upon a time there was a castle where everything smelled like Tizer in which lived a beautiful, reasonably-good wizard named Garland Vanderbilt. But he was never to leave because he was under the control of a gargoyle who wanted to keep him for himself. Luckily, the strong prince Sir Frithel-Stock Stone, son of Alan, had heard of his plight and came to rescue him with the help of his trusted companion, Van Damme Laudenkleer. Soon, he found himself stumped. "How will I find Garland?" asked Sir Frithel. But Van Damme the musical scientist was distracted by a battle with a dirty monk and couldn't answer.
"I know where he is," said a limping A&R fella, "but first you must help me break the magical briefcase, for you see, I am not sure where I am and if I do not succeed in time, my wife's ghost will be forced to marry an evil twat."
“Of course” Sir Frithel agreed, but because of a terrible heat wave it took fourteen nights. Finally they succeeded. "Thank you," said Sir Frithel’s new friend. "I can now show you the way." Within a few short hours they had arrived, and not in the biblical sense. No sooner had they arrived, than the gargoyle was waiting and expelled a magical dust from his dirty bum-hole.
"Don't breathe it in," Van Damme the musical scientist warned. "It will turn you into a fashion victim." He pushed Sir Frithel out of the way. There was no time to avoid the dust, so Van Damme the musical scientist had to end his pain by forbidden spell of self-deprecation. "No! Not you, Van Damme the musical scientist! You were truly a brave companion," Sir Frithel lamented.
Luckily, Sir Frithel knew the gargoyle's one weak spot and stabbed him in the upper deltoid with his drum sticks. His chicken drum sticks. "This can't be happening!" the gargoyle said as he turned into a nice friendly old child.
The next day, Sir Frithel and Garland Vanderbilt were brought before the King and other King, Chladne Plates and Carlton Breezy. "Sir Frithel Stock-Stone, Son of Alan, I hereby name you Sir Sir Frithel, Son of Alan, knight of the great worlds," and placed his cured ham atop Sir Frithel’s shoulders. Sir Frithel said, "I will now begin a new quest… to make a cheesecake without cheese." But then he forgot.
And they all lived reasonably ever after. The End.
Is this how you remember it Carlton Breezy?
Carlton Breezy: Once upon a time there was an eccentric peddler of wares who per chance came upon an organ in a skip. He didn't know what to do with it but he did have the business card of one Dr Carlton Breezy who came immediately to inspect the find. It sounded like nothing he'd ever heard before and was clearly from a bygone age so the eminent scientist sent telegrams to 4 fellow experts in similar fields to develop a type of music based around this ancient technology. Their initial results were published in the compendium of music simply referred to as 'The Crystal Submarine'. Those other luminaries are of course Dr Chladni Plates, Garland Vanderbilt, Vandamme Loudenkleer and the brilliant Frithel Stock-Stone.
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
FSS: Freddie Mercury - Live Aid.
CB: The moment I heard about the work of Herman Von Helmholtz. A man with fingers in all sorts of different pies, if you pardon the term. Fascinating work and a total genius of course.
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
FSS: Flying. I do not need to explain why.
CB: Russia: I'd love to learn the language.
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
FSS: Flying.
CB: I hope I'll be buried in my work much as I am today, but with much better equipment.
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
FSS: Shake The Vessel.
CB: Sunshine, definitely. It's a beautiful track that we're very proud of and according to the theorists this should be easy on the ears of said stranger, obviously depends how strange they are.
Sunshine/Shadow is released 14th July 2014 via Genepool Records.
ABoF’s Five Pointless Questions with… Steve Strong!
We're a little late with this week's ABoF pointless questions, and if we're honest it's our assistant Ed's fault. He became completely distracted when he discovered that Steve Strong is also the name of a professional wrestler, which led him down a rabbit hole into the gritty world of WWF, WWE, WCW and the amazing phenomenon of kayfabe.
Steve Strong is not a professional wrestler. He is, however, a remarkable musician who's managed to create an album that has had pride of place on the ABoF turntable for the last couple of months. We managed to pin him down to ask him our five pointless questions.
1. Using the fairy tale format, tell us how it all began.
Once upon a time there was a steve who climbed into his body and met his soul who told him to get off his ass and create something he can be proud of and keep complete control of.
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
I've been playing in bands since school it's always taught me expression and freedom and discipline it's always been a part of my life, there was no defining moment more a constant itch to create sonic art. It's the one thing in life that's always present and always there for you.
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
I think it would be the power to be invisible and just go around doing weird things and spinning people out.
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
I would like to be able to make music as a full time job and not have to work full time on the side.
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
I would play them Wide 'Open Spaces' as I feel it's a warm and inviting track that would give the stranger an idea of what my music's about.
Three Hands Tall is released on 19th May 2014 via Genepool Records.
ABoF’s Five Pointless Questions with… Universal Thee!
The Easter Weekend swept the ABoF office into a deep and well deserved slumber for four glorious days. We hope yours was just as relaxing. When we finally awoke and dusted off the cobwebs of inactivity (along with some empty beer cans and a traffic cone someone had amusingly left in our bed) we found our inbox aglow with an ambience of mystery. Could it be? Yes! The email we'd been waiting for since we first jotted down these five pointless questions on the back of a commuter's hand during a particularly arduous rush hour in London. Universal Thee had given us the answers we so desperately yearned for in the wee small hours of the morning. So, without further ado, we turn over to Andrew Perrie, bassist extraordinaire from the Scottish five-piece.
1. Using the fairy tale format, tell us how you all met.
Once upon a time, long, long ago – in the enchanted city of….er….Dundee. James, Lisa, Robin & Andy were all studying at the University and despite living and studying within (literally) meters of one another - all four did not meet! James and Lisa (the Prince Charming & Cinderella of this story) did meet and eventually married, playing in various bands along the way. This pair became friends with Robin too but Andy was still a lone wolf – unfriended by any of them. Kevin was living far removed from this, in the glittering lights of Auld Reekie (Edinburgh). It was only some years later that Robin and Andy would meet and form a band, and years later still that Robin and James would form Universal Thee, and although there were a few permutations and a revolving door band membership policy, broadly speaking it is accurate to say thT Kevin joined, followed some months later by Lisa and then eventually in July of 2013 Andy (that’s me) would transform the band into what they are today. If there is anything to be learned from this tale it's open your damn eyes! You might be living in the same street as a future band-mate and best pal!
2. Who or what was the defining moment in your life that made you decide to be a musician?
It's difficult to answer this one – I think, for me, the truth is (and I could never admit it growing up) that when I was about 14 I saw my older brother learning guitar and I thought he looked cool as fuck. We played gigs in bars from the age of 16 (where we had to fake our age just to get in!) and I remember getting a massive buzz from audiences cheering and clapping for us. I don’t think I've ever enjoyed anything as much as playing music to people – so until something else tops it – a musician is what I’ll be!
3. If you could pick a superpower what would it be and why?
I actually have a super power so it’s not really fair to ask me this question – no I can’t tell you what my power is or you might be able to guess my secret identity….but I’ll give you a clue – you could abbreviate my superhero name to S...Man – no that’s too obvious let’s just say SpiderM. My secret is safe…
4. In ten years time where do you want to be?
Ideally I’d be stuck in a dead-end fast-food job…..HA! No in 10 years – if I’m not dead – it would be amazing to have played some great tours and shows in different parts of the world. I feel really lucky to be part of Universal Thee and we are all just in this for the ride – we want to play as much as we can to as many people as we can.
5. If you could only play a stranger one of your songs to make a first impression, which track would you choose?
I’m sure others in the band might choose differently but on our debut album ‘Back to Earth’ I would choose the track ‘Bear in the Hospital’ – it great fun to play and has lot of energy to it, with an awesome chorus and a great outro.
Back To Earth is available now via Eventual Heirs Records. It's available on iTunes.